So, what the hell are you doing? Why drink half a litre of 62.5% ABV spirit in the span of an hour?
You don't get any love. You do your job and you go home. If you want something more, you're expected to beg, beg to feel a sense of welcome, a meagre sense of appreciation, a reason to feel something.
By creating physical manifestations of my emotions, I've been able to “let go” in a certain way. It's cathartic.